What Hurts The Most
by I.Dream.Of.Hardyz
Summary: What would he do if I told him what I lived for was him? -- Some things just aren't meant to be. "And having so much to say, and watching you walk away... and never knowing what could have been." One-shot. Maria/Jeff.


**Disclaimer:**I own nuthin'. :)  
**A/N:** Rascal Flatt's fault for this story. Uhm... it's in Maria's point of view. Enjoy... and of course, read and review!! ;)

* * *

I was in love with him. I didn't like him; I didn't just have crush-like feelings for him. No, I was completely and fully in love with Jeffrey Nero Hardy.

When we met a few years ago I thought he was a little weird though. A bit out there, not like most of the guys I know. Sure, I was judging him, but honestly, have you taken a look at him before? He's definitely got a different appearance than most guys his age.

But when Ashley introduced us back in '05… I thought… well I don't know what I thought. When our eyes locked, there was a feeling of power I had never felt before. My eyes were glued to his like some kindergartener's craft. My heart hammed in my chest and my breath grew short. It was the oddest and most stunning experience in my life.

That night we ended up breaking from our little group of friends and going to talk on a boat dock. The sun was setting and there was a slight chill in the air. It was like that perfect high school summer, only about five years late. That was also the night we became best friends.

And the night I fell in love with Jeff Hardy.

He was such a southern gentleman. I wasn't sure I believed in that stereotype. I had met plenty of men from the south before and none of them were these laidback, chivalrous men who would do anything to make a woman smile with no added "ideas" on their mind. Jeff was.

I knew nothing could ever come of us though, whether or not he even shared the same feelings I was hiding.

He spoke of Beth a lot. His girlfriend. The woman he had been with for six years. The woman who had been with him through every problem he had. The woman who told him to follow his dreams. Apparently, when the summer of '06 was to come around, he was going to try to make a comeback.

I told him it was a great idea. The fans loved him.

* * *

"Jeff," I would say quietly as we spoke in the night. "How do you do it?"

He would stare at me curiously night after night though he already knew the question in my mind. "Do what?" his southern drawl would ask.

"Just be you," I would breath out, my voice raspy.

"It doesn't take much. Just forget about the people around you and live for what you want."

What would he do if I told him what I lived for was him?

We didn't see each other much. I was going back and forth between training and the regular WWE shows and he was still out of WWE work at that point. We usually met when Ash and Matt were together.

I think Matt suspected Jeff to cheat on Beth with me.

I don't think Jeff ever realized Matt thought this.

* * *

Then, summer of '06 came like a lion. Jeff returned to the WWE on RAW. I was right there behind the curtain to grab him and hug him wildly. To cheer him on night after night. Be his little cheerleader. I never saw Beth much. She didn't like being at the shows. Called him after every match though… now that's dedication.

There wasn't a doubt in my mind that he loved her. But there was also a little nagging voice in my head that asked me time and time again: could he love me more? What if I told him what I felt? Maybe I was just wasting time and then if I spoke up, we'd be together like I wanted.

It took me almost a year to do this. I know I'm pathetic. But I'm not the girl you see on the television screen. I'm not a dumb girl. But I'm not confident either. I'm still growing into my skin.

But, I did tell him. It was the summer of '07 and we were sitting on a Florida beach, Jeff telling me about a dream he had the night before. He told me everything. We were best friends.

I didn't mean to cut him off, but if I didn't act then, I would never have. "Jeff—" I breathed out.

He looked at me curiously. "Yeah Mia?" He was the one who came up with that.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Of course." That southern smile was seeping onto his lips. God, he was beautiful. Inside and out.

"Um…"

"What is it?"

Everything over the past two years came to me like a tornado. I couldn't think straight for a moment and I had to breathe in deeply. For a second, Jeff looked worried.

Finally, I blurted, "What if I told you I loved you?"

Jeff smiled. "I love you too, Mia."

"No," I declared forcefully. "I _love_ you. As in, I want to be with you."

I had never seen a man's face fall so fast. It dropped like a cannon and he seemed to be searching for words. "Mia, I… I have a girlfriend."

"I know that, but I just… I needed to tell you. I needed you to know. I needed to know if you felt the same way."

"I have a girlfriend," he repeated firmly. But he didn't answer my question.

Tears filled my eyes quickly. I stood before he could even notice. Then, I began to walk away, trying to not break down on a public beach right then and there. I could at least wait until I got into my hotel room.

"Maria," Jeff yelled. "Wait."

I didn't though. I still had so much to say, so much to share with him. But I couldn't stay. It wasn't meant to be.

Maybe if I stayed on the beach, we would have talked more and he would have admitted his true feelings. Because part of me, even two years later still believes that Jeff shared my feelings. I don't know for sure, but every time I catch his eye these days, I can still see the caring, southern gentleman I once was best friends with.

I cried for a long time after that night. Jeff tried to contact me, but I didn't answer his calls, or give him a chance to get me alone. I began to date CM Punk, but it wasn't real love. It was a cover-up. I needed to let Jeff know we couldn't talk anymore. It was painful, but I think I'm over it.

I have a boyfriend now. He's nice. I like him a lot. Though, I don't think I love him. But my Prince Charming is out there somewhere. Even if he's already gotten his Cinderella. Maybe one day, we'll be meant to be. I don't know. You never know what could have been, you know? Maybe one day, I'll work up the nerve to stare at him longer than two seconds before I blush and look away. Maybe one day I'll actually stop and talk to him.

Maybe one day we'll be best friends again.

But I don't know if we really ever could.

And that's what hurt's the most.


End file.
